I Was Wrong, and So Can You

The Power of Intellectual Humility

We were both wrong, not equally wrong. You were at least six more wronger than me.

— Dr. Gregory House, House, Season 4: Frozen

In a world where seemingly everyone is eager to assert their correctness, it's worth taking a moment to pause and appreciate a unifying truth:

I'm wrong. You're wrong. We're all wrong—all the damn time.

From misguided notions to erroneous judgments, we often stumble in our quest for truth. Even when we’re right, the reasoning that got us there is… probably wrong. 

Being wrong is a fundamental aspect of the human experience, like heartbreak or diarrhea. You might as well claim you’ve been holding your breath your entire life before you declare that you’ve never been wrong.

So, what’s with all the wrong-shaming? Why does it matter? It matters because acknowledging our fallibility allows us to learn and grow, refine our understanding, and develop empathy and compassion toward those with differing viewpoints.

When we accept we are wrong, we can admit it to others, and they can feel safer doing the same.

Accepting Your Wrongness

Doubt is not a pleasant condition, but certainty is absurd.

— Voltaire

Despite being consistently wrong, we humans tend to cling to our beliefs even when presented with solid evidence to the contrary. In a polarized America, some scholars argue that a lack of intellectual humility is the root cause of societal fissure. 

The inability to acknowledge, empathize, and compromise with differing opinions leads to a deadlock. Intellectual humility, or "epistemic humility," a concept traced back to the ancient Athenian philosopher Socrates, is about recognizing that our beliefs and knowledge are fallible and limited. Being open to the possibility of being wrong and learning from other perspectives and evidence is a sign of intellectual humility.

Intellectual humility is not about being wishy-washy or indecisive. Instead, it is about having the confidence to acknowledge that we don't have all the answers and being willing to learn and grow.

It is not a covert way of suggesting that we should respect each other's opinions or give in to others’ demands so that “we all just get along.”

The point is that nearly all of our views depend heavily on unsubstantiated beliefs, and we should question our opinions just as much as we question others’. Our certainty often comes from ignorance, and the more we learn about anything, yes, anything, the less likely we are to agree entirely with any particular opinion.

Admitting Your Wrongness To Others

A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds, adored by little statesmen and philosophers and divines.

— Ralph Waldo Emerson

Acknowledging our mistakes to ourselves is only the first step; we also have to admit them to others. When we realize we are wrong, we often feel defensive or ashamed, especially if someone else has been kind enough to point out our error publicly.

However, we should embrace our fallibility with humility. We should learn from our missteps, revise our opinions, and be open to the idea that we could be wrong about our deepest-held beliefs. If I hadn't altered my beliefs over the years, I might still believe that Santa Claus is real and that my mom is not an unabashed Santa Claus-supporting conspiracy theorist.¹

The beauty of acknowledging we are wrong lies in its transformative power. Recognizing that you will not always have the answers can be empowering and inspire others to do the same. When we accept our fallibility, we open ourselves to growth as individuals and as a society.

Every admission of ignorance or a prior mistake offers a chance to learn and refine our understanding, pushing us closer to the truth. In this light, being wrong is not only acceptable but essential to our development. To find common ground in polarized debates, it can be helpful to shift our focus away from "me vs. you" and instead adopt a more collaborative approach of "us vs. the problem.”

Admitting we are wrong is the hardest part of intellectual humility. To paraphrase Dale Carnegie, it's often not the ideas themselves that we're attached to, but rather our self-esteem. There is a sense of identity and possessiveness regarding our opinions that is difficult to overcome. 

The word "my" carries significant weight here, whether it's "my dinner," "my dog," "my country," or "my opinion." It’s like we’re hissing “my precious” admiringly to our One Opinion with the same obsessive insanity that Gollum droned on about the One Ring.

Ultimately, acknowledging that we're not experts on a topic is easier than it seems. Simply saying, "I don't know enough about this to have an opinion," or "I could be wrong. Could you show me the evidence to help me understand?" demonstrates humility and an openness to learning even when we believe we are correct.

We often hold onto our opinions to avoid looking stupid when we admit our mistake, but it usually backfires. It's like someone pointing out food stuck in your teeth and replying, “No, I don’t.” It was embarrassing at first, and now it's just sad.

Encouraging A Safe Space For Wrongness

I have opinions of my own, strong opinions, but I don't always agree with them.

— George H. W. Bush

Creating an environment where it is safe for others to make mistakes is just as important as being willing to admit when we make mistakes ourselves. By fostering a culture of acceptance and learning, we enable those around us to grow and evolve in a psychologically safe environment.

It should go without saying, but resorting to name-calling and shaming others doesn't inspire goodwill or create an environment where people feel like learning from each other.

Likewise, encouraging open dialogue and constructive criticism helps us learn from our mistakes together, turning individual missteps into a shared learning experience. Like how self-immolating Ford Pintos taught other vehicle manufacturers not to skimp on safety features. That's progress.

On the other hand, not promoting psychological safety can lead to serious consequences.

If we feel ashamed or unwelcome, we may hide or seek validation where we know we can find it. When this happens, people no longer engage in open discussions with people they disagree with, and we build and gravitate toward the loving embrace of echo chambers. As a result, we become divided, and the very thing we do to feel safe makes us less safe.

Final Word On Wrongness

Admitting our mistakes and learning from them is crucial for personal and societal growth. In addition, intellectual humility helps us have meaningful conversations and understand diverse perspectives.

By promoting a culture of acceptance and learning, we can create a safe environment where making mistakes is not shameful, but a chance for growth and self-improvement.

In the immortal words of the famously mortal Socrates, "The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing."

Regardless, it’s ok if you think I’m wrong about this.

I’ll be fine.

That’s the point, after all.

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1. Upon reading this, my mom aptly replied “I do believe in Santa, I could be wrong”