Unbearable Thoughts
Unbearable Thoughts
How Our Perceptions and Expectations Impact Our Realities
As you stroll through a serene forest, you can't help but marvel at the beauty that surrounds you. The vibrant colors, the fresh air, and the peaceful atmosphere make for a perfect day. You notice some moss that appears like miniature hills of grass - nature's inedible cotton candy. Suddenly, your tranquility is shattered as a bear charges toward you. Panic sets in, your life flashes before your eyes, and your mind races with thoughts of life's regrets and missed opportunities.
Just as you brace for the worst, the bear's head falls to the ground, revealing your friend's face inside a bear suit, laughing at you. After you take some time to collect yourself, and perhaps, scold your “friend,” you get some time to reflect.
How would you have responded differently if you had been warned of the impending prank?
Would your life have still flashed before your eyes?
Would you still have given your friend a stern talking-to?
Would you still have had an accident in your hiking pants?
This story, though modified a small amount, comes from a book, No-Nonsense Buddhism for Beginners, by Noah Rasheta. Versions of this tale have appeared throughout history, including the ancient story of the snake and the rope, in which a person walking in dim light becomes frightened when they mistake a coiled rope for a snake. Both this ancient story and the Noah Rasheta’s bear-suit scenario teach us an important lesson.
Our perceptions and expectations play an especially crucial role in how we respond to life’s challenges, and the story of a hiker and a bear serves as a powerful reminder of the impact those expectations have on our suffering. When we expect something to happen, we have more room to prepare for the parts we can’t control. Only then can we can alleviate suffering and focus on the only thing that is truly worth our effort: how we choose to respond.
There are countless instances in our daily lives where we allow our perceptions to cause distress. Examples include:
Fearing the worst when a family member doesn’t text you back, only to find out their phone died
Dreading the results of a medical test that turns out to be benign
Becoming alarmed by an unexpected sound at home only to discover it was the wind
By learning to question our initial reactions and expect the unexpected, we can avoid much of the suffering in these situations. Although it may sound distressing and uncomfortable, there is significant value in expecting that there will be days in life where the worst will happen, the test results are bad news and something really is wrong outside the house. While pain is unavoidable, the suffering is more of a choice.
Tales such as the bear in the forest and the snake and the rope serve as powerful reminders of the influence our perceptions and expectations have on our well-being. By learning to question our initial reactions and embrace the unexpected, we can avoid unnecessary suffering and develop a more adaptive, resilient approach to life's challenges.
Curious Questions
This week, I’m taking some time to reflect on a few questions, and would love if you shared with me if you choose to do so as well!:
Can you recall a time when your perceptions or expectations led to unnecessary suffering? How might you approach a similar situation differently if you expect it will happen again?
Do you remember a time when your worries became a reality or even worse? How would you change your approach if you knew it would happen again?
How can you use the lessons from these stories to foster greater compassion and understanding for others who may also be struggling with their perceptions and expectations?
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